Path to my next race

In about a week, I will be running the Blue Mountain 30k. This is an important race to me, not only did I run it last year, and come in dead last, but it will be a great accomplishment for me after my 'close call' a month ago. The fact that I have come so far in just a few weeks, amazes me. I actually considered not running the race, but my friend Mandy said it would give me something to live for (lol, Jesus! She's a comedian....not really, but.) and Eric pointed out that I was in better shape then I was a year ago, regardless of the wreck....  They were both right. I need to do this run to prove to myself that I am moving forward. I feel like I am, but it's time for some evidence.  I set out on my last long training run today (15 miles) unsure about how I would feel when I got done. I still have aches and pains on my left side, which was the side where the car hit the ground. When I did a ten miler a few weeks ago, I noticed a new ache in my left knee, so I have been very careful. I know I wont be sure about any permanent damage from this wreck for years maybe, I am still picking glass out of my arm, believe it or not, but I figure since I haven't had anything too horrible happen yet, maybe I really did get lucky. Just this once. I know that I didn't deserve this and I wont take it for granted. There was a reason my life was spared, I'm just not sure why yet. It's hard not to question that, but I have faith that I will have an answer some day. So as I headed out the door, I did what I do for every run, I told myself that it was going to be the best run I had ever had. It's amazing how giving yourself positive reinforcement can give you exactly what you need for something to work out in your favor. I've been using this method for over a year, and yes, some runs are harder then others, but I've never regretted going. I did wake up with what I thought were allergies, stuffy nose, sore throat, so right before I left the house, I popped some Benadryl. I figured, when it set in, I'd be too far away from my house to turn around. Yep.  My legs felt like bricks at about 3 miles. Whoops. Well, lesson learned, I wont be doing that on race day. The route I took was heading from my house towards East Missoula, past where I wrecked my car, it's a nice reminder for me on a daily basis. At about mile 4, I hit the tracks and headed towards the Kim Williams trail. Don't worry, I don't run alone, I had my trusty partner, Shelby, the best German Shepard ever!  (well, my mom might say something about that....  lol) She makes me feel safe on all my runs. We continued down the Kim Williams trail to the base of Mount Sentinel. My halfway point. This is where I ran into an obstacle. I have a mental block that has kept me from being able to run the M trail. For some reason, maybe it's because I've hiked that trail more times then I could ever count, from the time I was first able to walk, so I've never been able to run it. I told myself today, that I was going to overcome this block. And I did. It wasn't even that hard, what the hell has my problem been? I don't know, and as a man who looked like he was 60, but was probably pushing 90 passed me, I thought, 'I want to be like him when I get older.' As he passed me, I stopped to let him go by and said, "man, you're kicking my ass." His response, "I'm trying to." and then he motioned for me to follow and try to keep up. Yeah. That didn't happen. lol. But he was inspiring, that's for sure. I made it past the M and headed down the fire line trail, again passed by someone else. When I get passed, I have to remind myself, that A: They probably just started their run, where I was nearly 9 miles into mine and B: When I pass someone it feels good, so let them pass me, let them feel good. I'm sure I passed 30 people on the M trail, so there! I can't beat everyone, that's fine, I'm slowly striving to get better. I doesn't help that I'm probably the most un-competitive person you will ever meet. Totally cool with coming in last. My run took me over three hours, which may seem slow to some people, but for me, I finished what I started and as I hobbled up the hill behind my parents house, I felt a sense of relief.   'Phew! I think I can run 18 miles next week.' I never allow myself to feel defeated during the run, but boy, looking back, that was hard. I only hope that today's run will make next weeks seem not so bad. I also need to remind myself that this time last year, the week before the 30k I hadn't ran more then 13 miles.....  I've made so much progress in a year!  Whoo Hoo!  No matter what the distance, I always have a point in my run where I am in a euphoric stage, and I can wrap my mind around my life. It's the best remedy when you have questions you can't seem to answer....  Go on a run. Stay tuned for my upcoming blogs! I start my court required Act classes this week! I'm sure it will be interesting.