???

I'm sitting here in Arizona.  I still have a few days before I see Eric, and it's honestly too hot to do anything outside.  I'm trying to wrap my brain around the fact that people actually chose to live here in the summer, but I suppose that's what others think about us crazies who spend the long winters in Montana.  It's currently 112 outside.   I have work to do.  I have plenty of things to keep me busy, but for some reason I have absolutely no motivation, and I don't understand why.  I feel lethargic.  I'm sore, I'm tired and I don't know what to do with myself.  This sucks.  I haven't worked out since my run last Saturday, so I know that's part of it, but I honestly don't know if my body is ready for that sort of torment :(, you should see the bruise that is finally showing up on my wrist.  I suppose it's just another reminder of what could have been. I do keep going back to the car accident.  I know there was more to learn from it, besides 'don't drink and drive'.  I did feel unusually great after it happened, probably because I was so grateful to be alive, and I still am grateful.  That date will forever be engrained as the first day of the rest of my life.  It could have been on my headstone....  I just wish I new the answer.  Where do I go from here?  I'm sure the appropriate doors will be opened at the right time, but is it too much to ask for a little guidance?  I guess I'm still struggling with where to even start? I'm sure Eric will have some answers, it's really amazing how calm and collected he can be about things.  I cannot wait to talk to him.  He did call yesterday, so at least I know that it's nothing serious, nothing that might affect his time, but I guess there is a chance that he might get moved, and if he does, he does.  I can live with that.  What I can't live with is not knowing what is going on. I just realized that I've been watching JCTV for the past hour.  No wonder I had no idea who these musicians were.  lol.  Can't say the music was too bad.....