Thursday Night Ramble

That was kind of weird. I'm sitting here at work, at our motel, with my feet up on the counter, thinking about how I should stay on top of my blogging and my foot bumped my computer. When it woke up it was on this blog posting page, so....... I guess this is what I'm supposed to be doing tonight. What I really want to do is get consumed by the Real World, because it takes no brain power to watch. I just did put this post on pause to watch some twenty four year olds make out, like I care..... I seriously don't watch TV unless I'm here. I don't get it, because I become as obsessed as the rest of you when I start to watch.... And there is this rumor that my sister is newly obsessed with Gossip Girl. Really? I've never seen it, so...... No judging.... So where am I today. It was actually sunny out, so that was good. I went for a run, so I feel accomplished. I found this new sweet app for my iphone called MyFitnessPal, which tracks your calories and exercise, it's awesome and I find myself obsessing over that, but also eating better because I'm forced to record every little thing I ate, including the 50 cents I spent at the candy machine. Damn M&M's. Wait... the show is back on. I'll be right back. Okay, thank God that's over! I'll probably get sucked into next weeks episode, because I'll BE HERE! Shoot. Stupid TV. It's controlling my life. So, as I attempt to not waste time on silliness, like reality tv, I've been trying to sort out where I'm headed in my life. Is it weird that I picture myself as a mom someday? Is that too far fetched for a 30 year old to still think like that? I hope not. I was eavesdropping on a conversation in the locker room at the gym, and a woman, who teaches a baby swimming class, was talking about how she had several first time moms in their mid thirties. Sweet. It is possible. I'm not too old, yet.... Now, how do I get a sperm donation from my prisoner? Just fucking with you! Ha! And that's only because I have a friend who keeps teasing me about that. Yeah right. I'm crazy, but please, give me a little credit here. I definitely want to be a mom some day, and it does feel good knowing that I think I'll be ready to be a parent, when the time comes. I also see myself as a published author. I'm throwing that one out there. I know I need to work on developing my writing skills and figure out exactly what it is that I want to write about. Steamy romance novel? lol. Probably not, just sorting out how to start this. Should I go back to school? Would that be to my advantage? I have no idea. I'm just hoping that what is supposed to happen with happen the way that it should. I'll figure it out. I'm surrendering, remember? I'm trying to let things happen, but that can be a little hard for someone who wants immediate gratification.... Something else I'm learning, patience. If that's not what I'm getting out of waiting for the man I want to be with, who may or may not be incarcerated for the next three years, then I must just be crazy. I've never wanted to be with someone so badly, but I know in my heart that we wont be together until I've sorted my life out. I want to prove to myself that I can do a few things. Survive on my own, that's numero uno. Get myself out of the debt I've created and be able to financially do the things I want with the money I've earned. It's a harsh reality, but at least I'm learning this while I'm young and not when I'm fifty. It's a invaluable lesson, learning how to do things on my own, but I'm thankful that I was given this opportunity, There is a reason for all of this. I'm not sure what yet, but I will eventually. I just know it. And that's my ramble.