So, I went to court today.

Would you believe me if I told you that I was the person in the worst situation? I was sure that I'd be in a room full of people with DUI's, people with similar stories, but nope. I'm awesome. (No, I'm really not.... I'm ashamed and embarrassed).

Surprisingly, it wasn't that bad. I sat in the courtroom for probably half an hour before the judge finally called me to the stand, where I immediately burst into tears. Shocking, I know, I'm such a hard ass normally, but for some reason I couldn't keep it in. He informed me that what I was about to go through would be much easier then the experience I had on Saturday. I ended up with a $700 fine PLUS the $20 seatbelt ticket, which, I was more then happy to pay for. I'm still stuck on the seatbelt thing, because I ALWAYS WEAR MY SEATBELT. I cannot express that enough. Not only do I always wear it, but my car does this really annoying beep when I'm not wearing it, so....??

Of course I have the ACT class that I have to go to, and I had to go to the jail for what they call "book and release", where basically I had to have my mugshot taken and be finger printed. That was an interesting experience, the officers were all very friendly. I feel like I wasn't their "typical" jail bird, especially on a Monday, in the middle of the afternoon. The deputy, of course, knew my father, as did the judge, so he was extra nice. Deputy Johnson was telling me how I wouldn't have wanted to be there Saturday night anyways, because of all the drunk people. lol I'm not sure if he didn't look at my ticket or what, but I just laughed. I did tell him that I was a bit of a "handful" on Saturday. I am very happy to now know that at least I look decent in my mugshot. I saw my reflection in the mirror Saturday night.... NOT PRETTY. Not even a little. Actually, it was quite scary.

I also get the pleasure of spending 24 hours in jail. The good news is, it's not real jail, it's a room with a couple bunk beds and I get to bring a book! I even get to set up a time when it's convenient to me. The receptionist at court referred to it as "big kid time-out". I'm not sure what the point of it is, but sounds like another experience I'll blog about. LUCKY YOU!!!!

All and all, today has been a bit of a blur. I'm still really tired and need to catch up on my sleep. I have now been bombarded with love and attention from my friends and family, which I greatly appreciate, but it's a little overwhelming all at once. I actually am shocked by the response. It's amazing. I know I'm lucky and I'm am so grateful that there are so many people out there that care, and even some who really do understand what I am going through.

I had some time before I had to go to court today, so I decided to go print the photos of my car real quick over at Kinko's. As I walked in, the familiar Kinko's employee said hello (I'm in there allot) and asked me if I had gotten a tattoo. I'm not sure this is the right approach, but I still am dealing with the verbal vomit that keeps deciding to come out of my mouth since the wreck, so I told him the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Too much information? Probably. That and I started to cry when I told him, but part of me wants to hold myself completely accountable for my actions, and one way is to be honest about what happened, whether the guy asked or not. He looked shocked. I told him that no, this was not a tattoo, in fact, it was from a car accident, a very bad accident that I had caused because I was driving drunk. I then proceeded to show him the photos.

This is where the story gets interesting. Kinko's man tells me that he was rear-ended by a drunk driver. He was driving down the interstate, going about 60 mph when he saw a car coming up behind him. He tried to get out of the way, but it was too late. The drunk driver was driving 85, and smashed into the back of his car. I asked if the driver died and he had. The saddest part was the guy driving drunk had his 3 children in the vehicle with him, They all died too.

That broke my heart. This poor innocent bystander. There was nothing he could have done to prevent this. He didn't even know the people, but can you imagine? What if I had killed somebody? What if I had killed one of my closest friends? My sister? A stranger? My dog. For some reason the idea of killing my dog is as bad for me as killing a baby. I don't know if I could live with myself if I had killed somebody. The idea of it is awful.

So that was my day. One step forward and another reminder that life could most definitely be worse. WAY worse.