Sounds like serious business, doesn't it? Well it is! There are strict rules that you have to follow and I was a little intimidated by one very specific female guard. So, Eric suggested that I get there early. The doors opened up at 8, so I got there around 7:10 to make sure I was one of the first people in line, and I was :). It wasn't as big of a process as I had thought it would be. You sign in, fill out some paperwork, wait for them to call your name, get your photo taken, go through a metal detector, sign in again, and wait. There was more waiting than anything else. I was also only allowed to bring in money and my keys, nothing else. No gum!? No chapstick! Those were the two essential items I wish I could have brought, but I survived. *sigh*.
The scary guard escorted us outside, down a sidewalk and into another building. Apparently this is where Eric caught his first glimpse of me, I was completely unaware of being watched by the prisoners through the fence. Actually, no I wasn't, I just pretended not to notice. When we got into the visitation building we were told where to sit. I found my seat and then went to the vending machine to scope out some lunch options for Eric and I. I was told that the food runs out so to grab stuff early, what I should have been told, was that the food runs out because one of the vending machine breaks early on into the day. Maybe I broke it? I did use it to get most of our food. Is there a way to break a vending machine? I don't know. Either way, it wasn't working when we went up for a second time, therefore causing the other machine to run short on "the good stuff", which is currently wreaking havoc on my insides. LOL God. I'd eat anything for that man. What has gotten into me? I'll go back to organic on Tuesday. :)
So, food purchased, bathroom break, now what? I had managed to make a friend while standing in line, no idea what her name was, but I looked at her as there was some sort of sound.... was it a buzzer, a bell? I don't even know, but I looked at her asking, "what's that for?" and she points behind me to a door. Here they come. The felons. LOL Seriously, there is no other way for me to look at this but a strange comedy. I'm standing inside a visitation room waiting to see my boyfriend for the first time in years and years and years. I've gone completely insane. Insane for some eye contact, insane for just a little bit of touching, a hug, hand holding, a kiss? That's all I wanted. To be near him. To feel him in my presence. That's all I need to be able to move forward another day.
That's exactly what I got. I'm not sure the sequence of events that led up to our embrace, but I think as soon as we made eye contact from across the room both of our footsteps sped up until we reached each other. We stopped for a moment, looked at one another, and that was it. I'm sold. I'm his until he tells me to go away. I find myself obsessing over these strange ideas, like camping in the prison parking lot just so I might catch a glimpse of him.... I wouldn't actually do that, but the thought crossed my mind. Standing on the "free" side of the fence and screaming his name, "I love you, Eric Joshua Jacobson"..... That, I might do.... lol
Those of you who don't know Eric. He's tall. 6'5". OVER a foot taller than me. He makes me feel like a dwarf, a midget, very small and petite. I like it. I can't help but say it's a little awkward for the poor guy, since I'm such a shorty, but we made it work. The first thing he did was lift me off my feet. I can get used to this. He's strong. LOL. It was everything I had hoped for, pretty much exactly how I had imagined it for the past few months. I'll spare you the details. Sorry Mom and Dad, I know you are reading this. LOL
After the initial "greeting" you are not allowed to do much more than hold hands. I could see how things could get out of hand if you allowed groping and making out during the whole 6 1/2 hours of visitation. There are kids in visitation, so let's keep this PG people. Holding Erics hand was plenty for me. That's all I needed. To be able to touch him and be touched by him, nothing "inappropriate". I think we both inspected each others hands pretty thoroughly asking what this scar is from, how'd you get that scratch, he also got to see that wonderful, massive scar on my arm that I have from the mole that was removed in November. It looks like a stab wound. LOL I had to sneakily inspect his bald head. He's not fond of the fact that he's bald, but I'm rather proud of him for accepting that it is what it is and to not be "holding on to any hope" like so many men do. He looks great, he'a my hottie, no hair and all :) We can't both have good hair. Sorry Eric, I get the fabulous hair. Deal with it.
Back to the scary guard. We instantly got into trouble for being a little too affectionate.... Eric was later scolded for me having my feet on the furniture AKA a plastic coffee table. Whoops. My bad. For some reason the guards couldn't tell me what I had done wrong, but told Eric to pass the message on to me.......LOL I am very rude when it comes to my feet. I like to have them lifted off the ground, tables, chairs, whatever comfortable spot I find.... Something I need to work on I guess....
So, how was the visit? Did we get along as well in person as we did over the phone & via e-mail. Yes. I think we were both overwhelmed by the whole experience and we sat in silence quite a bit, which is fine. I sort of expected that. I find myself with a loss of words occasionally when we talk on the phone. He makes me shy and nervous, but in a good way & I found myself completely comfortable with looking him in the eyes in silence. It's okay to be quiet in moments like this. I feel like our bodies are trying to catch up with all of the talking we've done the past few months, and boy have we done some getting to know one another this way, so we might sit in silence, allot, in the future. That's fine. It's peaceful. My mind shuts off. I don't feel the need to question things. It's just right.
There's not much more I really want to share to be completely honest. Today was a moment that I will cherish. I've gone through so much in the past four months & I feel like today was the beginning of something new. Something real. I'm excited for tomorrow.
K
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