What type of fruit are you?

(Thoughts from Wednesday morning before I left town)

I just finished working out at the gym and I found myself trash talking my own body. Not out loud, of course, but I've got that constant voice in my head that says mean things. You're fat, you're ugly, you're not good enough, smart enough, you'll never make it on your own. We all have that voice, whether we would like to admit it or not. I've named my voice, well actually Eric named my voice. We call it "nothing". When he first suggested that I laughed, but he's right, this voice is nothing, it means nothing and I really prefer to have nothing to do with "nothing".

I've got some serious body image issues. I look at myself and zero in on my flaws. I usually don't even consider that I've got pretty decent runners legs or perky-ish boobs, I go straight for my stomach. My weakness, my flaw. I am an apple. I'll admit too that. Every bit of fat my body stores heads right to my tummy. This makes me sad, daily, but I'm dealing with it. I run, for gods sake. And I run far! I also go to the gym on a pretty regular basis and if I compare my body to the one I had a year ago, I look pretty good. But who does that? Nobody looks at their not so perfect body and is happy. I was even judging myself on how pale I was. My god. I glow in the dark, well at least my stomach does....

This is one of my many battles, as far as my self image goes, and I plan on conquering it soon. This flame has slowly gotten weaker and it's nearly out....