Back Home

That's right. I'm back.

It's a weird feeling, really. I've been away from here for three weeks and now that I'm back it hardly feels like I left at all. Actually, no, there are some differences. I actually enjoy being here. I look forward to work tomorrow and I feel a sense of hope. Maybe I will make it? The fear of being broke, losing my home, being unhappy, is slowly disappearing. It's not gone completely, but I'm working on that.

So what did I learn on my trip? First, I want to mention, if you didn't notice, that there was a very large gap in my writing. I found it difficult to write when I had people around me, mostly when I was with Teryn. For some reason I completely lost the urge to write about what had happened, even though we did do some fun things. I'm trying to figure that out. Maybe I will get into it later? In a nutshell, we drove to Monterey from Vegas, taking a wrong turn which ended up being a very happy accident because we went to the most amazing natural hot springs. I also learned how to surf and almost knocked myself out with the surf board, causing me to lose my voice. It was painful at the time and a little scary, but now it's just a story. I call it my "surfing accident". Sadly, no cuts or bruises :(.

After Monterey, if you haven't figured it out, I changed my original plans of driving up the coast, and decided that I'd drive back to see Eric on Saturday and hi-tail it home. I had planned on being back by Sunday night. That's when my dad called. Somewhere, somehow, he had heard that I had changed my plans and called to see if I would be willing to pick him up from Vegas. He just gets the itch from time to time. This worked out perfectly. PERFECTLY. I think driving home with my dad was the best possible scenario. We talked about EVERYTHING. I know my parents are concerned. This trip is most definitely out of the ordinary for me and I had been threatening the idea that I may never return. I'm glad that I did.

That being said. I didn't miss home until Teryn mentioned my dog (about a week ago). I still haven't picked her up from the ex-inlaws house. I was just tired from all the driving and wanted to be home. I'll get her tomorrow. All the other animals in my petting zoo are alive and well. There is an excessive amount of animal hair on both my couch and one very specific spot on my bed, which leads me to believe that my cat, Bella, stayed in that spot for the entire three week duration. Other then that, it all looks good.

What I can take from my little "journey". I need to surround myself with happy people. I realized this from being with both Andrea and Memri. They are a reminder that I don't have to be drunk to have fun, and no, I am not an alcoholic, but after years of booze always being involved in "fun situations" you start to forget what it's like when you aren't drinking. It's better, it's more real, and honestly, it's nice to remember what happened the day before when you wake up the next moment.

I will forever consider this little break, road trip, whatever, to be a pretty significant point in my life. I needed it in order to breath again. I was feeling trapped, cornered, and clueless about what my path in life should be....

Maybe I still don't know exactly what I want to do, but I now have a calmer sense of going with the flow. Sounds crazy, what else is new. All I know is I'm going to try my best to wake up each morning and start the day right, whether that be with meditation, yoga, a run, playing with my dogs, drawing, e-mailing Eric, doing something that makes me happy. I also plan on leaving the day behind when I go to bed. That's all you can do. If your day didn't go the way you wanted it to go, the only thing to do (or try to do, it can be hard) is to let it go as you drift off to sleep and know that tomorrow is another day.