Bad Day

Today has been a rough one for some reason. I'm really struggling with work lately. I no longer feel like it's what I should be doing, but what does that even mean? I have no money, so I can't really leave my job, plus I feel like I owe it to my parents to stay. But when is enough, enough? When is it time for change? What bothers me the most is that I use to have a passion for our business. I lost it somewhere. Why? How disappointing is it to think that your life is supposed to be one thing, only to wake up, thirty, with no fucking clue to what you want. It's a weird feeling.

I was so sure that taking a three week trip away from "reality" would put my life into perspective for me, but I find myself more confused then before. What do I do? Where do I go? Where is that happiness that I'm looking for? I'm trying to keep my faith. I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason. There is a reason for this struggle, there is a reason that I'm constantly looking for greatness, and I'm sure that I will find it one day, but why can't that day be today, or tomorrow? I'd settle for next week even.

I guess what I don't like, is not knowing. All I want to know is if I'm at least headed in the right direction. I need a sign, I need to get struck by lightening or something. If I'm destined to live the good life, whatever that may be, am I at least going the right way? The last thing I want is to hit a brick wall and have to back track. How terrible would that be? Devastating.

I'll try not to think that way. In the mean time I'm trying to be creative in the avenues I have available to make money. I really wish I had the time to make art and pursue that dream, but I don't have the time to devote to that. I really don't. I guess sometimes I do, like now, but then I don't have the motivation to do it. I don't get myself sometime.

Can anyone else relate? Or am I all alone here??